You can’t explain to someone who hasn’t been there what it’s like to wake up, and the black curtain of storm clouds have suddenly dropped around you. How do you face the people around you, silently mouthing to each other “again?”. How can you explain that the objectively irrational impulses seem subjectively rational? That you understand that you’re not OK, but there’s nothing you can do to change it, while the world goes on making demands as if you still felt “normal”.
Your partner still wants you to be able to be there for her. The kids still want to get hugs from you – and they still need to eat. The boss still wants you to output widgets. The bank still wants you to make payments on the credit cards you used to survive when things went pear-shaped last time. The landlord still wants his rent.
There are two ways things can go from here. Sometimes with a good night’s sleep (or two, or more), and some looking after yourself, things will be OK again, and you’ll pick up your stuff, and keep moving forwards.
Sometimes, things don’t get better. The wiring isn’t just on the fritz, it’s burnt out. If you ask for help, they’ll insist on chemical assistance. They don’t really understand quite why or how the chemicals work, but “they should help”. They might (will) have side effects. The cure might end up being worse than the disease. If that one doesn’t work, they have others. Or a cocktail of medications, each one to deal with the side effects of another. That way lies its own unique madness.
With the meds, they might prescribe talking. Lots of talking, in the vain hope that like the infinite monkeys with their infinite typewriters might turn out some Shakespeare, if you say enough words for long enough, everything might fall into place. Sometimes they’re good at listening, sometimes they’re not. With the right person, it helps.
Some sift your words carefully, picking out the little nuggets of truth that help you understand a little better who you are. Others nod, grunt, and write you another prescription. I’ve known both. And it’s expensive to sit in a little room and talk. When you’re in a situation where you need to sit in a little room and talk, there’s a good chance that you’re not in a position to be able to afford it.
Fortunately, for me, most days now resemble ordinary. I wake up. I stare at the face in the mirror worn with lines I don’t remember collecting, and stubble that feels like it belongs on someone older than me. I go to work, and try to fit into “normal” like a cheap suit that I bought in a hurry and can’t take back.
But occasionally, there are those days. Days where the mask is tissue-paper thin. Surviving the day is an act of will that leaves a lingering exhaustion that seeps into your bones. Like a drowning man in a flash flood, you wrap yourself around the hope that the waters will recede soon, and you’ll be safe and dry again.
At least until the next deluge.
Kelly
September 23, 2008 at 10:16 am
I stumbled across this and I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was like Biff thinking that those who were *sad* all the time were annoying and needed to get over it. I also felt depression was for people that wanted to have attention. Well, after several years and just discovering this year that daily thoughts of suicide are not normal, crying (bawling really) about not making cookies, hating people and turning to rage in a matter of a second, sleeping for 14-16 hours a day and then able to fall asleep again only an hour later is not normal. The thing is, I don’t like being this way. You could sit me in the middle of Africa next to the poorest people or the most beautiful home without a care in the world, and I would still feel the same. It’s almost like being a marionette puppet and somebody (who is mean and sadistic) is holding my strings and I can’t break free. Right now, my medicine is working. I am getting up after 8 hours of sleep and working and actually enjoying life again. Thank you for writing this essay. It is very well written.
Katharine
September 23, 2008 at 11:15 am
@ Hennie,
I hear you — and while a great wife, kids and good economic status certainly help … those are all external factors. And that voice that shames you, “You should be happy,” “You should be grateful” who’s voice is this? I challenge you to take notice of that voice when it comes and in your head laugh at it and say, “Isn’t that ridiculous!” Or, “Of course I’m grateful and I give myself permission to feel my feelings.”
Gratefulness and happiness do not necessarily equal each other.
Good luck on your journey..
@ Monty
Nikki
September 23, 2008 at 1:12 pm
My boyfriend and I just had a row about why I am the way I am, and what I’m feeling.
He wants to know what I have to be so upset about.
I’m going to read this to him, and hope that he gets it.
Thank you. I don’t know how I can express my gratitude.
Veda
September 23, 2008 at 1:21 pm
“Depression in my own words” is indeed That in everyone’s words !!
As one of the bloggers says — we should take it as a ‘natural slowing down of the overworkded brain or mind’ and hold ourselves till it ‘passes of’ or wants to ‘move ahead’….
In Indian local terms – the three states of mind are positive – assertive -passive . Depression is the passive state – and they say they are incessantly cyclical or in combos at times.
THANKS again for Deciferring the possible ‘deadening’ Depressive state and more so for ‘Driving out our Fears and Frights on the Ailment’ and helping us to
‘Drive out the Depression’ !!
Veda
[social anthropologist]
India
Jessie
September 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm
“When you’re in a situation where you need to sit in a little room and talk, there’s a good chance that you’re not in a position to be able to afford it.”
I think that is most accurate description of mental health care (especially in America) I’ve ever seen.
Arrica Lee
September 23, 2008 at 3:45 pm
As a student myself, I never escape from depression…but we learn to deal with it. So, it is a part of me now, and I try to watch TV and play badminton every day to control it from empowering me.
mother of sufferer
September 23, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Biff is an idiot. Has it occurred to your small-minded self Biff that there were very few clinically depressed folks in the 12th century because people were not living in a world that we did not evolve for? Ask yourself why suddenly so many people are depressed. Could it possibly be that our society is f%^$-ing DEPRESSING?????? Isolation, shallowness, consumer culture, being forced to live surrounded by people like YOU?????
Depression is real. Nobody chooses it, moron.
Greg
September 23, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I know exactly what you mean. A lot of people seem to have said this, but I’d like to say it as well.
Depression seems to bring this world to an unending standstill. I often look around at work, trying to think of what to do when I get into one of my moods. I always think to myself, “This world of suffering shall also pass, and in each moment of joy, the world of gray grows dim.” I don’t know where this crap comes from, but I know exactly what you mean.
Lots of people say chemicals and things like that, I have a friend who takes them, and I don’t think they help him at all.
The worst thing about depression from my view, is that you can force it back, but it always returns to pay you back for kicking it out the door. It gets to the point sometimes where I get down on my knees and pray for something, anything, to stop it.
Reading your words have helped ease my pain for some reason. I thank you for your wisdom, and I would like to comfort you with the fact that you have at least eased the burden of this suffering soul.
jose
September 23, 2008 at 4:34 pm
The best thing against depression its purpose, try to find your life’s goal and please do not isolate yourself, we all know what we love to do, even though some of us have to dig up a little to find out what our dreams are, but they are still there, just don’t give up!, I know that pretty words don’t mean anything when we fell sad, but all of us are special and we all have a purpose in life, I am 24 years old I been in and out of depression for a long time, a few months ago I lost my job, my girlfriend dumped me, and I suffered an accident that badly mangled my left leg, I fell into a deep depression, worst than ever before in my life i felt so sorry for myself, like if god was punishing me for something that I had done, I had two choices, either I give up on life and lock myself in a room suffering and crying for the rest of my life, or I try to take advantage of the situation. I spent so many years of my life working on jobs that I hated and that took me nowhere but now thanks to all the bad things that happened to me I finally have the chance of doing what I love, I love to paint that’s what I always wanted to do I have done a couple of art pieces by now and I’m filling up with courage to go out and try to sell them, I feel exited and so impressed of the talent that I thought I had lost, depression and self pity are now gone. If I could do it all of you can just find a purpose, a goal, a dream you’ll see that when you start to follow your dreams the whole universe conspires in your favor.
yohann
September 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Hey,
There is definitely something you can do about depression, please don’t lose hope. And please dont go to a psychiatrist and most of all NEVER take psychiatric medicine. The thing is, depression is only a symptom to a deeper problem. Using pharmaceutical drugs will only cut out this symptom not helping the problem itself be solved at all. I understand depression and obsession, having gone through and successfully getting rid of it. Please try to look at it this way: that your feeling of depression might be due to some underlying feeling of lack or loss, but this is yours to discover. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day and you will discover the thoughts that trigger your troubles. Be aware of these thoughts as a silent observer and let your intelligence guide you. And most of all, the most important thing, is to have faith in yourself. Unshakeable, unwavering faith in yourself because in the journey of your self knowledge you might find that your thoughts are the most important and powerful things.And that you and every human being is immensely powerful, important and beautiful. Your thoughts create you… So dont let them limit or define you.So dont limit your thoughts… dont be satisfied with anything less than the best for yourself. Stand up and be powerful… take command of everything in your life. Believe me, every thought creates you and events around you.
Second, i would suggest all of you to start practicing yoga. You can learn from the nearest bihar school of yoga. This alone will most likely make the depression disappear.
Love
Mindfield » Post…. depression
September 23, 2008 at 4:56 pm
[...] post, “Depression, in my own words” came from Wazzapedia and is a touching and expressive account of depression by (and this is an [...]
Wazzapedia. » Blog Archive » Depression; a postscript
September 23, 2008 at 5:05 pm
[...] I didn’t expect anything like the responses I had to my last post. I want to explain some [...]
Jonathan of Speechmasteryblog
September 23, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Thank you for sharing.
dee
September 24, 2008 at 2:12 am
I too suffer from depression, and it comes and goes for extended periods of time… it helps to hear about someone else’s experiences so as to not feel so alone in the experience.
Thank you for sharing.
depression
September 24, 2008 at 2:13 am
[...] in his own words This entry was posted in www and tagged english. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a [...]
UKblaza
September 24, 2008 at 2:30 am
It’s hard to keep your chin up with all of the crap going on in the world these days. It’s hard enough having to struggle to pay the bills without having to watch the royal mess the greedy rich power mongers are making all over the place. It’s all getting too much for everyday folk to handle. There ain’t any pills that can stop you feeling pissed off with it all if it gets that bad. I have had them all. The only drugs that totally take you out of the mental head furk that is 21st century life are illegal and very addictive. But, for a while, they work really well. I ended up on a methadone script for years because of the depression. Nothing else worked like opiates. The new re-uptake inhibitor drugs are awful and felt a lot more dangerous and mind bending than opiates. I would take opiates over any new re-uptake inhibiting drug for long term use every time. Prozac, Venlofaxin, etc are addictive and can have scary side effects, sometimes leading to death. What they do to the brain after long term use is still unknown so be warned.
Acceptance is the answer but it is an elusive emotional state and takes great practice to keep hold of; I enjoy only fleeting moments of feeling so. I now know that life is short and that everything will be alright if I wish for it hard enough and go with the flow. Then I can even start to feel grateful for my lot!
UKBLAZA
Ian Boyd
September 24, 2008 at 3:29 am
I’ve been there and am almost there a lot of the time – the edge of darkness is always in my soul – thank you for this blog – peace and love to you and courage – IB
Joe Shonk
September 24, 2008 at 3:41 am
Thanks
Samuel Wright
September 24, 2008 at 5:13 am
Gotta tell you… I know exactly where you are coming from and I, too, wrote a piece about this as I was starting to emerge from my last bout. If you do not mind my posting the address, I will add it to the end. It is amazing how so many people do not, or will not, understand depression. What, too, amazes me is how most doctors, especially if you are with Kaiser Permanente, immediately start by throwing meds at the problems. That is like trying to fix a hole in the wall with wallpaper… the hole is still there, but not so that others would notice. I think the meds are more to make others feel good because they do not notice your depression. That is why I have never taken the meds.
Hopefully you will not mind, but here is the link to my story dealing with depression:
http://www.samuraimarineblog.com/2008/02/10/depression-reaching-out-from-the-dark/
Dave L
September 24, 2008 at 8:05 am
Meditation helps some.
Luke
September 24, 2008 at 8:27 am
As everybody else seems to be saying in here, it was brilliantly written. Thankfully not full of that woefull diatribe ive heard from time to time.
I never bothered talkin to anyone about my problems. Why bother? Youll just seem like a self-pitying numpty, and if youre smart enough to notice that the other person is thinkin just that then youll kick yourself in the nuts even harder.
Depression though, and speakin as someone who has and still occaisionally does suffer from it, is self inflicted. Not directly, but indirectly. As much as im sure all the people who suffer from it will cry out in outrage, its literally from being weak minded. The diference is, you werent always like that. I knew i wasnt, and i was determined that i wasnt gonna let it get the better of me. Two years it took me to pull my head out of my arse (theres probably still an ear in there), and there were plenty of times where i was convinced id never do it. Doomed, i thought. There were a number of things that helped though. I considered it as an abstract maths puzzle, somethin that i knew could be solved. Id look at my problems from every angle, and each time id be certain id come up with the solution only to find the next night that the ‘formula’ id created didnt quite fit. Eventually it starts to come together though. I read about meta-physics. I meditated (albeit rarely lol). I never took medication. More importantly, like Biff said, take a look around. There are people far worse off. Put things into perspective, and then think about wether you wanna be lyin on your death bed regretting that you didnt have enough about you to get the better of it. If that doesnt spur you on, then pull your bloody fingers out! At least its somethin that can definatley be overcome (believe it or not kids!), and not like cancer.
scriptie
September 24, 2008 at 10:03 am
cheers to another who understands and inspiring over 70 comments on such a complex and often misunderstood emotion.
thank you
Bryson
September 24, 2008 at 12:06 pm
“I go to work, and try to fit into “normal” like a cheap suit that I bought in a hurry and can’t take back.” Perfect.
It’s almost equally difficult to describe the emotions evoked by reading something like this. On the one hand it feels good to know that others feel this way, that others deal with it and survive. On the other hand it almost causes despair to think that nobody else can find a way to fix it or move on either. Reading about others’ experience with it sometimes only reminds me that i just have to live with and enjoy the times it recedes, no matter how rare or how brief they seem to be.
Katharine
September 24, 2008 at 12:19 pm
@ Luke
You said,
“Id look at my problems from every angle, ”
I say..Yes … And, the same mind that comes up with the problem does not come up with the solution..
Indeed, it is the strong individual, the soul who does not feel entitled, better-than and grandiose who is the soul who asks for help..
It takes quite a bit of strength to reach out, not everybody has the intestinal fortitude to take this step.
Talking with the right, recovered, intelligent individual can save one’s life.
Meds are often a necessity in the formula that makes up someone’s mental health plan of attack.
You are no more, no less of a human being for taking or not taking medication.
No one is better-than or less-than . . we are all equal.
No need to one up anyone here, Luke . . .
That said, I’d go as far as to question the authenticity of your recovery . . .
Katharine
Luke
September 24, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Sadly, i didnt recieve a certificate stating ‘well done, B+’.
A couple of things Katherine. Believeing you cannot come up with a soltuion is a defeatists attitude. Yes, ofcourse thats part and parcel to depression. But is there not one part of you, that individual essence that you retract to on your darkest days that says ‘i will not stand for this?’. For me it was as quiet as a match being struck in a hurricane, but nonetheless it was there.
Im sure to some that talking through your problems is vital, i wouldnt assume otherwise. As may be medication. And ofcourse it doesnt effect your status as a human being. Why would it? I was merely commenting on my own experiences. After all, inorder to proceed do we not gather that which is useful and disgard that which is not? Sure, there may be people like yourself who found my response ignorant to their plight, but then ofcourse there will be those who found it hit exactly the right buttons.
As for trying to ‘one up’, i do apolagise if you felt like i was trying to do this to you katherine. Im not trying to question the authenticity of the depths to which you might have gone, and nor am i skipping around with a lolipop shouting ‘im better than you, im better than you’. I would probably go as far as to assume you actualy agreed with some of what i wrote, but are still angry at yourself for not taking it by the horns, and so lash out. Still, this is the exact attitude that helped me, and although it may not work for everyone (obviously), im sure it will help some. To any others that find it offensive, i apolagise. To those who find it remotely inspiring, good luck, and crack on.
Biff
September 24, 2008 at 5:43 pm
“mother of sufferer” – I’m not going to be baited by vitriolic personal attacks. My opinion is as valid as that of anyone else, and I am not being unreasonable by sharing it. I’ll respond to your points if you are able to make them in a mature fashion.
–
Warwick, it is very difficult for me _not_ to (over)simplify the issue, since I freely admit it is one with which I have no personal experience. I’m also well aware that there are a myriad of reasons for people to develop depression, just as there are for other conditions.
I think perhaps we actually agree, but that we are getting stuck over the minor details. I’m glad you agree that depressed people owe it to themselves to actively seek treatment, but I find it hard to associate that with any sympathy for those who spend the whole time saying “I’ve tried, but I can’t.” That’s just another way of saying “I give up”, which is just as unacceptable and irresponsible as would be failing to closely monitor one’s health following a heart attack. In other words, I don’t (as some seem to have decided) feel that those with depression should simply “snap out of it” but I DO think that there is no excuse for a lack of effort in tackling the problem – whatever form it may take.
If there’s still some key point I’m simply not grasping, I’m certainly keen to hear it.
mark from lifestylecreated
September 24, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I stumbled across this post.
There is something beautiful about the way you’ve written and explained this illness.
I know nothing about it but here’s my take as a father of a child with “issues”.
I get frustrated and angry at him, those who are “experts” and at myself. I cannot help. And then I try to put myself in his shoes. I have no idea what it is like for him and what he has to put up with nor can I understand the anger and frustration he must feel.
So like you, there must be added frustration that nobody who hasn’t the same challenges can possibly really understand.
Congratulations on such a touching piece. If only “we” could help.
Mike
September 24, 2008 at 8:57 pm
A wonderful job of explaining how I feel, even now as I sit and read your post.
No one can fathom the hopeless feeling that is more often than not inspired by the worst of things – nothing at all.
Ronald Baro
September 25, 2008 at 1:44 am
Greetings. I feel for you, but there comes a time? when you cannot let depression sink in or those Black or Grey gloomy storm clouds surround you. The Solution? : Serious Music Therapy. I am a musician/ vocalist. I find that doing this? gets rid of all manner of Depression. I am a Multi Instrumentalist.. I play many musical instruments. It is fun and keeps you busy and you won’t have time to think of gloom or doom. One of the top ones? is the Guitar. It is already Documented by both the American Psychiatric and the Psychologic Societies or both Organizations that the Struming of a Guitar? is great therapy. Advice to all of you up here? get yourselves a UKELELE (Hawian guitar) they’re inexpensive? and can start you off to nice serious Therapy. If you need my services? for music therapy? refer to my email and contact me. GET OUT OF THAT RUT!!!!!!
mcdna
September 25, 2008 at 1:53 am
Whoa guys . cheer up. you only live once afterall. and look on the bright side , antidepressants stimulate the growth of new neurons in the brain!
Melissa
September 25, 2008 at 2:02 am
Thanks for this. I found you on StumbleUpon. I have/had clinical depression. It progressively got worse as the years go on until I eventually went to a therapist and psychiatrist. They put me on Zoloft, then Lexapro. They did more harm than good. I eventually just gave up on the meds and quit my job. Also wound up on academic probation in my school. I seem to have found the answer to my problems. It seems that sugar is an upper and starch is a downer for me. If I limit those things, I stay on a level field. Still, I went to a job interview and I felt so embarrassed because I had to think up excuses as to why I’ve gone from job to job, or why there’s gaps in my resumé. I don’t want to say, “Yeah, I’ve been off and on bed ridden and living off my folks.” I don’t expect anyone to understand that I have a good work ethic but things get in the way. I mean before, I’d go through a cycle of anxiety, self loathing, crying, then feeling too fatigued to do anything from the anxiety and crying. It’s sad because I’m exercising more, working faster than I ever have in my life and I can’t get ahead because of words on a paper.
Katharine
September 25, 2008 at 2:26 am
Luke, I appreciate your honest response. No apology necessary.
Kat
Kaye
September 25, 2008 at 3:38 am
I find it a comfort to know other people feel this way. Not that misery loves company, but simply that I am not alone with the thoughts that plague me daily. I also wake up wondering why I’m on the planet and what is my purpose. I came across some information regarding existentialism, and found it frighteningly familiar. Questions like, why am I here, who put me here, is there a manager to whom I can complain? I often feel like a alien in a strange place that I was never meant to be. I’ve tried (and continue taking) meds, have been through talk therapy and honestly, none of it has “cured” me. I believe the meds keep me on a more even keel, but at the same time I can sleep for 19 hours a day as sleep seems to be the only real relief for me. Others call it laziness, but I feel it’s a lack of interest in life. I too have all good things that others would love to trade me for, but I wouldn’t wish my brain on anyone.
Again, thanks for the article that brought some comfort to me.
Eugene
September 25, 2008 at 7:14 am
My mom has depression. And growing up I could not understand why she was the way she was. Then she finally got medication that seemed to work, and I guess it helped a bit – until I fell on some tough times and was a little depressed myself and she started projecting. I thought I might see if I needed the help for this problem I suddenly “always had my entire life.”
I never want to be on anti-depressants again. That was truly the worst time of my life. I tried three different types over a 6 month period. Between constant mood swings, an inability to reach sexual climax and even worse depression they came close to ruining my life.
suhail
September 25, 2008 at 7:38 am
You whoever you are a great writer.. I stumbled upon this blog and it caught my attention right away.. you need to get into writing.. Love to see your paperbacks…
simple use of words, effective analogies, brutal truthfulness… great blog..
Analekto
September 25, 2008 at 7:55 am
So, is the depression syndrome associated with brain chemicals under/over production or is it driven by our modern way of life? Is there a clinical explanation on this?
kelly
September 25, 2008 at 8:00 am
wow. i just stumbled upon this blog… and you do a great job. i am 24 and my mom has been suffering from depression for a long time and you said what i see in her everyday, thank you.
po
September 25, 2008 at 8:42 am
I spent a majority of my life (starting around 11) trying to off myself..my life was pure hell from the get go..emotionally,and physically abused…I was a cutter,I often went to tops of buildings and thought of jumping,how easy it would have been…on and off I was taking anti depressants,,,they really didn’t do much but make me forget things,that wasn’t a cure….got diagnosed with sleep apnea and laughed,coz they said if I slept without a cpap machine I would die…Look I guess they were wrong…one day I took a razor to my wrist and ended up in the nut ward of a local hospital..spent two days there and that’s when I really woke up…I looked around at the real whackos and decided I really wasn’t one of em.I refer to it as pulling my head out of my tush,I decided right then and there I wasn’t going to let it control me anymore and that every day I was going to find something,ANYTHING,that I could laugh about,and I did! In my case,my depression was all on me,I owned it,therefore it was mine to discard,and I did it,all on my own…you just have to want it badly enough to do something about it. I have since had more crap fall on me..Like being diagnosed with and operated on for Crohn’s disease…took me a year to get over that fiasco and it may kill me yet,but I refuse to let it get me down,because I CAN find something to make me smile,even if it’s only silly things I do….So people wake up and make the choice…own your depression…accept what life gives you and move on…..I am not a religious person,but the Serenity Prayer is what you need to read to yourself every day! Be happy!You can do it!
Dawn
September 25, 2008 at 9:10 am
Biff – Surely you have not read the blog? The point is that depression – true depression often makes it difficult to get help for yourself. I would imagine that you think the way you do (and I believe you are completely entitled to your opinion) because you have not suffered with the condition.
I work and always have done, people at work would not know that I suffer with depression. I am in a management position and I work with disabled adults – I would go so far as to say I love my job but every day I have to battle with myself to get up, to leave for work, to go out with friends and not let them down by pulling out at the last minute again. Everyday I question why I feel like I do, every day I try to change the way I feel or behave – but sometimes I can’t.
I am an intelligent woman who is sometimes an
unwilling prisoner of myself. It’s my life that depression is ruining. I don’t like even admitting that I am depressed to myself…It’s not the image of myself that I have or want. If I could choose a different path – I would believe me. My condition has no impact on your life whatsoever so why would you feel the need to question that it’s real or little more than a modern day construct?
It’s true, people of my mum’s generation didn’t go to the Doctors for the treatment of depression, but when my Gran died 30 years ago – she didn’t go for the treatment of Cancer – the point being medicine advances with the passing of the generations. I would bet that my mum died having suffered with depression for at least 25 years – I regret that she didn’t get treatment.
I think you prove one of Warwick’s first points – you can’t explain to someone who hasn’t been there.
Dean
September 25, 2008 at 9:37 am
I often suffer with depression, and I think of it as looking at a Rubik’s cube with 6 sides but 8 colors. You just KNOW you are right that things are not going to work, so what’s the point? But, when I’m not depressed, it all seems so silly! I think, “What a big baby I was, that will surely never happen again.”, but it does. I’ve recently “invented” a way of visualizing depression…. Think of a sine wave on the screen of a computer. The wave is very smooth and regular. This represents a normal, non-depressed state of mind. Now imagine hooking a cable to your brain, and your depression shows on the screen as a different wave, super-imposed on the other “normal” wave. You’re depressed thoughts look all random and noisy. When I’m depressed, I do this visualization and concentrate on the normal brain wave pattern, and imagine it’s a beautiful musical note sung by the best singer in the world. I actually see my moods change to get in harmony with the music. It works for me, hope it helps any of you others that suffer! PEACE!
Ben
September 25, 2008 at 10:06 am
I’ve been dealing with pretty intense anxiety, its not like depression I’m sure, but what you described about people still expecting things from you and not understanding/not caring why you have to try so hard to provide them thats really spot on for me too.
Nicole
September 25, 2008 at 10:44 am
Biff –
Depression isnt about not having enough, it is about not being enough. Its like falling and never getting a chance to stand back up.
I would like to point out the attitude you have towards depression.
“I find it hard to associate that with any sympathy for those who spend the whole time saying “I’ve tried, but I can’t.” That’s just another way of saying “I give up”, which is just as unacceptable and irresponsible as would be failing to closely monitor one’s health following a heart attack”
If you would take a moment to think about every mistake you’ve made, every time you failed, every rejection you’ve had, that feeling of inadequacy that you may have felt for a split second is what depression is like, but there is no “ill do better next time.”
For me I felt inferior, I was like the runt of the pack that got left behind. It seemed as if everyone around me was thinking that I wasn’t good enough. Now that I am out of depression I realized that it was relatively true. Because of my pain people began to look down at me, and when I asked for help they would say the same thing you say. If all people are telling you is that your worthless imagine the impact that has on your self esteem.
Maybe people dont have Flat screen TV’s over in 3rd world countries but one thing they do have is support from those around them. They are in the same mess as everyone else, but over here it is as if you are all alone and everyone one around you is living in their dream world.
Its like being the men chained in Platos “Allegory of the Cave.” We dont understand that there is another world out there and it takes some crazy mindset to get out of this depressing way of thinking.
I don’t know how well I presented my ideas but I hope that helps you to begin to understand what the mindset of those with depression is.
El Hombre Sin Nombre
September 25, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Thank you.
Katharine
September 25, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@ Ben –
anxiety is another way of saying you’re fearful about what might happen. One of the best things you can do is BREATHE–deeply, inhale for 6 0r more seconds and exhale slowly as well.
Conquer the anxiety, start with being still .. and focusing on your own breathing.
@ Dawn — I hear everything you’re saying and it’s all valid. I would like to point out one thing that you said, “true depression often makes it difficult to get help for yourself.”
That’s the ultimate victim statement.
You are the only person who can make that decision to get help. Decide that despite the way you feel, you will.
If you’re going to complain and not reach out for help, accept help or attempt to change than you’re choosing to stay depressed.
Nobody is going to come rescue anybody.
I apologize if that makes you angry. That’s the nature of the truth.
@ Nicole –
Other countries are more accepting of depression and mourning; in one place, a widow wears black for a whole year, hangs something above their door that lets people know she’s in mourning and everyone treats her differently-in a good way.
The people who looked down on you do not represent the non-depressed population! I’m sorry those people treated you that way. The ones who really help are the ones who meet you where you’re at and I’m sad you didn’t have that support–perhaps you were surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy people? For now, be careful who you choose to expose yourself to.
Kal
September 25, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Wow… although I don’t actually suffer from depression, I know exactly how you feel, I get those very same moments sometimes too, where nothing seems worth the effort and you find it hard to get up in the morning. And you probably don’t want to hear tips on how to make it go away, but… here:
Get the hell out of your life. Change it. Usually, the job is what’s causing these problems because you are not doing what your brain is wired to do. Quit your job and get a different one. It doesn’t have to be amazing or glamorous, it just has to be enough so you don’t lose your home and possessions. Try getting something completely the opposite of what you’re doing now. If it doesn’t work out, then get something else. Just make sure that you have the basic needs plus some luxury items covered, you don’t need to live like royalty. If you have kids, cut back on their possessions. Kids don’t need as much as they think they do. If they want more, tell them to get jobs like productive adults (if they’re old enough). It could be good for them too.
In moments like this, where nothing seemed good, instead of wallowing in this misery, I went out and changed everything that I hated. I changed my job (however I’m lucky that I’m young enough to do it without much repercussions). I went through my clutter that had accumulated over time and threw it all out. I gave away all my old clothes and once I had more money, bought brand new ones. I even moved furniture around. Basically, I started over again. And if I had any money, I would probably do a move out of the area.. into a different city or maybe even different country. It was refreshing, and the world looked brighter and cleaner. I saw new faces, experienced new environments, new dynamics. I learned new things. So eventually I learned that static, or sitting around doing the same thing for a long time was causing these feelings of stagnation and misery.
So basically, break out of that routine. Go learn something new. Go make new friends by joining community groups. Go see new places. Go reinvigorate your thirst for life again. Change is the only way to make that real change. Ask yourself: What do I want from life and why do I deserve it. You get only one life and you get many chances to decide how to spend it. If you choose to have a safe life where you have the same job for the rest of your days, and you’re satisfied with that, then you must accept static, because you’re that type of person. If this lifestyle is giving you these problems, then obviously it’s not for you. Change it while you can… No matter how old you are, better now that later. Do it NOW. And if you think that this may be selfish… well you deserve it because if you don’t do anything you will die inside. This doesn’t only affect you, it affects everyone around you, making them worse off, too.
Captain Bee
September 25, 2008 at 3:27 pm
This is simply one of the best things I have ever read.
You are amazing.
bill
September 25, 2008 at 4:53 pm
life goes. sometimes the ol machinery has a tough time followin
jdchango
September 25, 2008 at 7:10 pm
This is an incredible amount of bulls****. I’ve suffered from clinical depresion and live in the third world and I would have to totally agree with Biff.
Come on, if you all like Romanticism go listen to Beethoven.
Nicole: “Being enough”!? “Being enough”?! What the heck is that supposed to mean? People in the third world are constantly trying to get to the first world! Either individually (migration) or as a society (development efforts), so we must be screwed. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, good (or “romantic”) about poverty and all it entails.
mother of sufferer: funniest comment, by far.
biff: you’re the man.
Remmember sadness is only beautiful when it’s not corny (particularly played by Serkin).
Phil
September 25, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Trying to describe despression to people who have not really been depressed is like trying to describe what divorce is to a first time happily married couple… they could never understand the pain of it if they have never been through it.
But then again maybe that example is to easy… how bout describing to a sighted person what it is like to be blind from birth and how to live in a world where life is so dependent on your sense of sight, and yet having to live without it. Could a sighted person ever understand what it is like to be blind… even if they walked around with a blindfold on, their brain would know that it is not permanent.
You try telling a blind person they should never be depressed… but think about this, they will never know what colour looks like, what makes a sunrise or sunset so beautiful or even be able to see the most simplest of things which sighted people take for granted like a beautiful rose, an adorable kitten at play or a ladybug on a flower. They can’t think back over their lives and remember images from the past, even the simplest of tasks to them requires dependence on someone else… and they’ll never be able to drive themselves anyway, even with a white cane or a guide dog, their lives are still limited to what they can really experience and so for them, they’ll never know true independence.
I believe depression is much the same as this whole blind / sighted thing… from the comments on this post you’ll know who has really known depression and those who haven’t, they’ll either understand the context of the original article or for those who haven’t they will be enraged and show no sympathy or compassion towards those people who have been afflicted because they lack true understanding and think everything can be solved with a strong will, a stiff upper lip and instant decision that you won’t let depression affect you anymore.
Every person in this world is different, some people will experience depression and some won’t. I believe Society as a whole has become closer because of the internet and yet there is more distance between people now then ever before. The lack of personal contact with other human beings only leads to loneliness and depression and you may say that these people who are depressed need to get off their butt and go and get some help, maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Maybe they need people like you to stop throwing mud at them and stomping on their feelings, and for you to try and open your mind up a little show some empathy and put yourself in their shoes instead of caring only about your own welfare.
Everyone has a story and you don’t know theirs, everyone has a different breaking point at which life becomes unbearable. The truth is that life isn’t good all the time and some people suffer more than others. If you people who like to crucify others would spend as much time building others up as you do tearing them down then maybe depression wouldn’t be as much as a problem that it is… it’s time for you to choose… either sit down and stop being part of the problem or get in their and help and start being part of the solution.
Bjarne
September 25, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I suffer from depressions on a regular basis with some years between each down turn. I also find it hard to explain to others how it feels but I usually try like this:
Life has ups and downs. It’s like you riding in a Car going up and down a hill filled landscape. This is how everybody has it. But sometimes my car gets stuck at the bottom. Like getting stuck in the mud. I just sit there… the bad things that caused the downhill trip has gone away, but my car just remains at the bottom.
Several people in my family suffer from the same condition, so it’s surely chemical. Once I tried some medical treatment and it did help. It has something to do with the receptors in the brain. But the medication also removed my happiness. I didn’t fell sad, but couldn’t become really happy either.
Today I have learned a few things that might help. One is to exercise the other is to “think happy thoughts” (oh that sounds corny). I also keep much focused on how I fell. When I’m down, I have to be sure whether there is a reason or if “my car got stuck”. Sure there are normal downtimes, but I have to look out for the non-ordinary sad moods.
Then I put on my walkman, with some happy music and either go for a ride on my bike or start vacuum cleaning the house. (The last has the benefit of happy music, exercise and on top of it you feel good as you get some work done
I have given myself 3 days to turn my mood, otherwise I’ll go back on medication until I get on moving… so far it haven’t been necessary.
One important note: Even if you feel like it… don’t resign and go to bed. It makes it worse. Do get regular sleep, but don’t hide away sleeping all day long. I know you really long to do just that.
Hope some of you can use my tips.
And do stop worrying about people like Biff. He is exactly the kind of person described who don’t really understand. Focus on making you friends and family understand. They are the ones who (hopefully) support you when you’re down.